So I thought I would start out with an apology. I'm sorry I lied. I'm sorry I lied to you and to myself. I keep telling myself "today is the day that change starts" and then I let things get in my way, distract me and then I fail.
I am fat. I have put on another 4lbs since the last post. I am fat. I can no longer stand the sight of myself in a mirror. I no longer go out in public unless I have to because I am too embarrassed. I just can't anymore.
Ben proposed to me.... I have never been happier in a relationship and he is this incredibly supportive and loving creature that just loves me more than I feel he should. I am getting married. I am fat. These things are incongruent and something needs to give.
I hired a personal trainer, Brooke. She forces me to push past where I think I can't go. She is going to help me get where I need to be for our wedding.
June 5, 2015
D- Day
This is the most embarrassing thing that I am ever going to do. Personally I'm not sure why I'm doing it but I guess holding myself accountable to never ever looking this way ever again even for one more day is more important than my "pride".
So f$&k it.... Here I am
The next time you see these photos they WILL be different.
I'll tell you about my daily workouts and great meal finds (I already have a few to share)
I am going back to hiding behind my baggy clothes again for now
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