The Reset and The Regroup

It's been a challenging week at best.  Between travelling for work and socializing with work colleagues (food and drinks) I feel like this has been a complete flop of a week.  I feel guilty and I refuse to conclude this as my FIRST WEEK of getting healthy.  Let's go over some of the challenges I faced:

1.  My boss chose an italian restaurant for a staff dinner - Ok, so I don't eat pasta or red meat BUT I have a crazy anxiety disorder that keeps me from eating alot of food out at restaurants (easiest way I can explain it is food safety issues lol).  So, I have to stick with items I know will be food safe and opted for a vegetarian pizza. WORST. CHOICE. EVER.

2. My boss chose a pizza place for our staff luncheon the next day. HOW IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?!

3. Too much boozy boozy!!! Just in case you are not aware of why I do for a living... I drink booze.....literally.  I'm a wine and spirits rep and part of my job is to drink it.  Sounds like a pretty bunk gig huh?  Well, sometimes it's great! and then there's all the other times ~ like when you're trying to lose weight.  Could I have said "no"? Not exactly.  It's a little complicated I suppose.

All in all it has been an ultimate failure of a week and I couldn't be more disappointed in myself and feel like all I wanna do is eat a carrot!  Official first weigh in will be next Friday.  Please don't judge me!!!

P.S. I thought I would share that I am also negating taking birth control for the next few months as well.  I have a sinking feeling that me switching my birth control over and over the last year has had some effect on my system and I am looking to clear it out of anything unnatural at the moment.  

P.P.S.  Ben (the little love of my life) and I have a very special announcement to make - We are expected a new addition to our family - but she has 4 legs not 2!!!  Her name is Rosie and she is a wee little Boston Terrier brought to me by a magic unicorn of love.  She unfortunately broke her tiny little leg the other day and can't come home for another month but I couldn't be more excited or happy for all of us.

Day 3 - First Weigh In and First Major Discovery - Eureka!!!!

So I've discover to trick to weightloss.... the flu!!  I ended up with a touch of some bug a couple of days ago and couldn't even fathom eating which ultimately led to my very first weigh in being 164.0 Lbs.  I know that doesn't seem fair but I'll take the 1.6lbs fo shizzle.  So basically I couldn't keep to any of the plans I had set for myself and I can't promise today will be much different (still not hot to trot) BUT I will say that the food I will eat will be part of my plan and if I can muster the energy for some light exercise I absolutely will!  I do have to clean my house today so that is a workout in itself AND I might just mow my lawn.

PS Happy Birthday to the most wonderful man I know, My DAD!! You may be old but you're still strapping.  Loves ya will this whole black heart of mine (winky face).  We're taking pops out for dinner tonight so it will be a great way to choose what to eat when out and I'll make sure to share the tips and the treats with you.

I have 3 days of work to do in 1 day now so I gotta go

Until tomorrow

Peace

Things that are scarier than the Boogey Man!! - Day One

Okie dokie then.... Like I promised I took all of my measurements and the dreadful "before" picture.  Dreadful is an understatement to say the least.  But it's where I'm starting and where I'm never going to be again so I might as well take record.  I can't hide under baggy clothes anymore ~ so here it is (all kinds of naked *shudder* and stuff).

I started the day off right.  I made a promise to myself (and to my friend Katie who is my inspiration for all of this - Let' s call her Inspy) that I would eat breakfast every day this week.  And I started Day One with a panic attack and some delicious breakfast thing I saw posted somewhere.  I would take a picture, but I ate it all!!

Bananas in a Blanket (made that up right now - yesssss)

1 whole wheat tortilla (warmed for 15-20 secs in the microwave)
1 banana
1 tbsp ish almond butter
1 dash cinnamon

It took about 1 minute to make this tasty little breakfast.
Warm up the tortilla for about 20 secs cut in 2 halves
Spread Almond butter (or whatever butter as long as its not like butter butter) on tortilla halves
Cut banana in half and place each half on a tortilla half
Sprinkle with Cinnamon and wrap it up tight like so the banana doesn't escape
** I think the original recipe I saw said to slice it up like little saucers, but to honest I don't cope well with knives and it was like a little burrito of love this way

329 Calories of mmm mmm good

The Bad, The Worse and The Ugly

Ok, so as the most dreadful morning approaches me where I need to officially "weigh in" and take measurements I can't help but dream of being a kid mindlessly eating Cocoa Puffs for a wholesome, well balanced breakfast.  Pictures are also going to have to be posted, not for myself necessarily, but for anyone else who needs motivation.  I'm just as scared to look as you are!!  I think I will even post my before - before picture as well to gauge the changes being made.  I can't say I necessarily need my skinny mini body back, or that it's even a realistic goal, but I can say that it will be a constant push for me every single day.  (and Lord knows I need a good shove!)  A good friend of mine is getting married in 9 1/2 weeks..... and I think that event will mark a milestone for progress.  I will take that weekend I will be away for the wedding to relax and enjoy some of the finer things in life I may neglect along the way and really use that marker as a time for new challenges and goals.  It seems like a lightyear away, but I've been the victim of time flying by so I know it will come sooner than I think :)

The Day I Decided to Write This Blog

So this is it.....a candid look into something I hope someone else will ultimately find inspirational and maybe help continue to spur some change.  For those who know me know that the things that have happened in my life are nearly unbelievable at times, be it comical or tragic, absurd or monumental.  Nevertheless, I am a person that is thankful for them all and they have brought me to the place where I am today.  I have never been on the right side of tracks so to speak.  I've always drank too much, smoked too much, worked too much, slept too little, drove too fast, loved too hard, and lost enough.  I've always been an extreme and I guess that it's no different for me today.  I have put on an extreme amount of weight.

Some pretty drastic things happened almost 3 years ago and it propelled some pretty drastic changes for me personally as well.  I quit smoking... some people still can't believe it,  and some days neither can I.  I felt like a million bucks - and then it happened.... I got fat.  I guess that's what happens when you're pushing 30 and turning your metabolism right to zero.  I'd put on a good 15lbs.  Oh well, quitting smoking was the hardest thing I'd ever done and I wasn't going to be a failure after such a massive success in my life.  I learned to live with the fat.  I hated the fat and complained about the fat but since I'd never been fat before I didn't really know what I was supposed to do to not be fat.  I left my job I had been at for the last 7 years and began a movement of searching for something better for myself career wise.  I had 6 jobs in about a year, it was a whirl wind and I knew that it was because I was searching for something I hadn't found.  I went back to school and became a wine expert and started pursuing a career as an account manager for wines and spirits.  I landed a decent gig!! I went from walking 8 hours a day to sitting 8 hours a day over night.  The love of my life, my dog, got sick the day I left for training for my new career.  It was the most terrible 2 months of my entire life.  I didn't sleep, ever, and my stress level reached a level I didn't know existed.  I was terrified.  It was a sadness I can't even begin to describe.  After an extremely brave fight with cancer I lost her on March 7, 2013.  It broke me completely.  After that long 2 months and feeling the worst I'd ever felt in my life I hopped on the scale.  I couldn't have been more shocked.  15lbs in 2 months!!!!!!  I was now 30lbs heavier than I had ever been in my life and there wasn't a single thing about me that made me comfortable.  I stopped going out in public and socializing with friends.  I was embarrassed, mortified, ashamed.  I went on a cleanse and lost 4 lbs in 12 days, then put it back on again in 2.  I cut out gluten and dairy and sugar and this and that and still I was fat.  So the day I decided to write this blog, I hit a new low.  I'm done with this body that encapsulates "me" and I need to find the "me" that I need to know.  The is the day change started.  I set up my work out bench in my basement with my weights, turned on my treadmill and took a long hard look in the mirror.  This is the last day I stay knowing the "me" I know today.

This is going to be my story to myself and to you about how change can happen.  I can be extreme about everything else in my life except myself?  That doesn't make sense.  The day change started I became extreme about me.  And that is a promise I need to keep to me.  I am finally going to take the time to support me and take care of me.
So here we go..........