The Day I Decided to Write This Blog

So this is it.....a candid look into something I hope someone else will ultimately find inspirational and maybe help continue to spur some change.  For those who know me know that the things that have happened in my life are nearly unbelievable at times, be it comical or tragic, absurd or monumental.  Nevertheless, I am a person that is thankful for them all and they have brought me to the place where I am today.  I have never been on the right side of tracks so to speak.  I've always drank too much, smoked too much, worked too much, slept too little, drove too fast, loved too hard, and lost enough.  I've always been an extreme and I guess that it's no different for me today.  I have put on an extreme amount of weight.

Some pretty drastic things happened almost 3 years ago and it propelled some pretty drastic changes for me personally as well.  I quit smoking... some people still can't believe it,  and some days neither can I.  I felt like a million bucks - and then it happened.... I got fat.  I guess that's what happens when you're pushing 30 and turning your metabolism right to zero.  I'd put on a good 15lbs.  Oh well, quitting smoking was the hardest thing I'd ever done and I wasn't going to be a failure after such a massive success in my life.  I learned to live with the fat.  I hated the fat and complained about the fat but since I'd never been fat before I didn't really know what I was supposed to do to not be fat.  I left my job I had been at for the last 7 years and began a movement of searching for something better for myself career wise.  I had 6 jobs in about a year, it was a whirl wind and I knew that it was because I was searching for something I hadn't found.  I went back to school and became a wine expert and started pursuing a career as an account manager for wines and spirits.  I landed a decent gig!! I went from walking 8 hours a day to sitting 8 hours a day over night.  The love of my life, my dog, got sick the day I left for training for my new career.  It was the most terrible 2 months of my entire life.  I didn't sleep, ever, and my stress level reached a level I didn't know existed.  I was terrified.  It was a sadness I can't even begin to describe.  After an extremely brave fight with cancer I lost her on March 7, 2013.  It broke me completely.  After that long 2 months and feeling the worst I'd ever felt in my life I hopped on the scale.  I couldn't have been more shocked.  15lbs in 2 months!!!!!!  I was now 30lbs heavier than I had ever been in my life and there wasn't a single thing about me that made me comfortable.  I stopped going out in public and socializing with friends.  I was embarrassed, mortified, ashamed.  I went on a cleanse and lost 4 lbs in 12 days, then put it back on again in 2.  I cut out gluten and dairy and sugar and this and that and still I was fat.  So the day I decided to write this blog, I hit a new low.  I'm done with this body that encapsulates "me" and I need to find the "me" that I need to know.  The is the day change started.  I set up my work out bench in my basement with my weights, turned on my treadmill and took a long hard look in the mirror.  This is the last day I stay knowing the "me" I know today.

This is going to be my story to myself and to you about how change can happen.  I can be extreme about everything else in my life except myself?  That doesn't make sense.  The day change started I became extreme about me.  And that is a promise I need to keep to me.  I am finally going to take the time to support me and take care of me.
So here we go..........